As you all know, this is my beautiful 7 yr old Dylan:
To me, he is the cutest little boy with a quick wit, strong will, and a mischievous mind. He never fails to amaze me with the things that he says or does. The thing with Dyl is you know rather quickly whether he likes you or not. He has definitely grown leaps and bounds socially from his...well we'll just name them "Krusty" years; however, before we judge this little character on his less-than nice demeanor, he has struggled with some self-image issues.
Although he seems hard on the outside & could careless about anyone in the world, he always has had a soft spot for being home with mom (he actually REALLY loves pretty much his whole family, especially his 2 brothers). I'm not sure if you would call him a "mama's boy" because he is definitely not weak or whimpy. I'd even go so far as to say he is much better at defending himself than his older brother...who, fortunately, has such a mild disposition, he doesn't need to defend himself since he tends to get along with most everyone. BUT, this post is about Dylan.
Here are some examples of how he can be...
-- Grandma Sherrie has always been good to set aside $ for the boys for their future missions. For as long as I can remember, Dylan has always referred to Aidan's money as a mission fund; however, his stash is gonna buy a cool truck. We chalked this up to being typical Dylan going against the grain since our religion tends to favor the idea that young men all serve a full-time mission at 19-ish. But one day, I overheard Aidan talking to Dylan about the idea of "getting" to go. Dylan stood strong on his decision despite all of Aidan's best coercive tactics...you'll get called to Southern California...you'll be near Disneyland...you'll get to see Grandma and Grandpa...um...yeah, A) that's not exactly how the whole mission thing works; B) Dylan wasn't buying it. He finally told Aidan the real reason he does not want to go, "I don't want to go because I will be all alone. What if I can't find my way home again? No, I want to stay here with mommy." Now again, that's not the way the mission thing works; but your heart can not help but soften by the fact that this "krusty" little kid wasn't being defiant...he was scared.
--We have also become big University of Utah fans. Dylan LOVES being a U of U fan. Hahaha...ok, so this one REALLY does have to do with being defiant. The only reason he loves the U so much is that everyone where we live loves BYU (all od this despite the fact that both of his parents went to BYU, his great grandfather taught at BYU, most of his dad's family attended the Y, AND we live in COUGAR CENTRAL!). Yep, sheer stubbornness. He especially loves to get decked out in his U of U stuff and go to school during rival week just to get a reaction. I will say that I have encouraged and let him have this passion, but I never let him say bad things or take it too far (which sadly, is something BOTH BYU & U of U fans could work on). Anyway, one day I caught him looking for a BYU baseball cap his grandpa had given him. I couldn't believe it. He wanted to wear it to school! Wow...ok. I told him good job. He then replied, "
Yeah, so when someone says, 'hey, cool BYU hat! Are you a fan?' I can take it off my head and say, 'What? No! BYU sucks!' and then stomp on it. It will be real funny, mom."....um, yeah, he didn't get to wear his hat that day.
--We use to live right across the street from the church, which made for some very convenient get-aways. Dylan HATED going to the children's portion of our services. I would walk him to class...alright, alright, I'm using the term "walk" loosely". Perhaps, dragging with kicking & screaming might be a bit more appropriate (those who know him can FULLY appreciate that last statement...Aimee, Sue, carpool, teachers, etc.) . Anyway, he didn't like it. After a while, he caught on that perhaps this was not the best approach; so he started going willingly....hmmm...Now, me being far too much like this kid (yes, I am admitting it), knew that something fishy was going on here. I now had to do"the rounds"--waiting a good 15 mins or so and then walking around the church to make sure he was still in class. More often than not, I would catch him out in the halls...just sitting. People, this was a 4 yr old! The stink pot did NOT want to go to class. Not that he had anything better to do, but because that's what everyone was making him do. Well, of course, I would take him back in. And as these things often do, the defiance evolved. One Sunday (hahaha...and let's not focus on the fact that I was sneaking home), I caught him walking in the front door. Boy was he shocked! Drats! How does this woman stay one step ahead of me! Again, he is like 4 or 5, people...he left the church building and walked home! Which you know, distance wasn't an issue either since he scared the living day lights out of his dad by deciding to walk home--barefoot and up a busy road-- from where his dad was holding soccer practice. When a stranger stopped to help him (um, wouldn't you if you saw a 4 yr old wondering up a busy street with no shoes on?), he didn't say a word. He gave her a dirty look, proceeded to walk around her & continued up the road (silver lining: um...he doesn't talk to strangers? I'm grabbing at straws here). What did he want? Mom bought him some new Sponge Bob pajamas and he wanted to change into those ones instead (yes, it was daytime and he was wearing pjs. He went through a sort of "Hugh Hefner" phase for a while...yet another Dylan defiance tale to tell). The gist: Dylan is going to do what he wants, when he wants....yeah, scary for Ben & I for sure!
So why? Well, I think a lot of this "oh yeah! poop on you!" attitude is because he has been a target of being picked on or playfully made fun of agoodly portion of his life because of his weight...and BOY! Does this kid react! While people may have thought it was cute, for Dylan it became a very tender topic. Dylan is built stocky. My dad and his family are stocky. Members of Ben's family are stocky. Granted, I'm not saying that there aren't weight issues, but my thing is there's not just ONE body type.
Ben's youngest brother struggled with weight issues. He had all these older brothers that played sports, were super popular, had lots of girls. Matty (which I'm sure I have a soft spot for since I saw him grow through these awkward yrs...not to mention, that I see Dylan so much in him) was not like his brothers. He LOVED food...Otis Spunkmeyer cookies, if I remember correctly;) Anyway, Matty was a little on the chunky side. His "super cool" older brothers would follow him around and say they all wanted to eat what Matty was eating so they could bulk up like him. Which was not really the case, just older brothers doing what older brothers do best...tease. I'm sure the nickname "fatty Matty" didn't really inspire confidence either. However, I'm here to say Matt too shared a tendency to be a bit of a homebody and because of that has a very special bond with his dad, mom and younger sister. He seemed more shy and less confident than the older boys; but some of the things I love about Matt are his sincere kindness, unconditional love for his family, and his truly amazing personality. He is so freakin' hilarious! He seriously never ceases to amazes me with his intelligence and comedic timing. Matt makes me think of those stories where the less-than popular kid grows up to be a super stud.
Matt now is very healthy & handsome with an amazing wife and 2 beautiful children. The picture above is of Matt holding Dylan on the day he was leaving for his mission. The other picture is Matt with his beautiful Alexis and their cute Alivia (the pic is sans his newest child, Adam, who was just born a few weeks ago). I will say this I really, really hope that my Dylan can grow up to be like his uncle Matt. But how?
Dylan is only 7, but he is so conscious of his weight that it scares me that he will develop an eating disorder. He is not built like his dad and older brother who both have more lean and slender body types. Ben is very conscious of what he eats and workouts regularly to stay trim and fit; but again, Ben is built differently than Dylan. People worry so much about girls developing these issues, but there are approximately 1 million men and boys who suffer from anorexia and/or bulimia, in the United States alone. And a recent study at Harvard revealed that more men suffer from eating disorders than previously thought. Knowing all this and because he does look similar to his uncle Matt as a child, when the so-called term of endearment "fatty" started getting used; I tried to nip that in the bud lickety-split. Sure you think, "come on, super-sensitive mom! The kid is 3! Like he even cares"...um, he does. When Dylan would get so angry or frustrated the worst possible thing that he could think to say to me or whoever was
"Oh yeah! Well..well..YOU'RE FAT!!!!"...hmmm...not "you're dumb" or "you smell like poop" or "you're momma dresses you funny"...the most hurtful thing he can think of is to call someone fat.
This has been something we have been dealing with for years. I thought it was baby-chub and he'll grow out of it...which, honestly, he has for the most part. But, I realized as he was getting ready for a bath one night and pondering on things that had been said early in the day in regards to this, that his little ribs were kind of showing. Fully clothed, he looks like this chunky little kid (it doesn't help that he has such a big head....what? it's for all his brains!...plus, his mom & dad both have big heads), but this kid is NOT fat!
In an effort to build a healthier body image, we discussed healthy choices. Both boys love to play sports, ride bikes, and run around with their friends; Dylan also likes to get up early to go running with me when I go to the Rec. Center. I also have a small trampoline that he likes to run in place on while we watch shows (which he got from me, since I like to get in a little cardio after sitting at a desk all day). And while both boys will tell you I am a HUGE advocate for playing outside as opposed to playing video games, we did buy a Wii with Wii Fitness a couple of months ago so that he could do different things inside when it's cold. HERE'S THE KICKER: the dang thing told him he was fat! Okay, not in so many words, but it did say he was overweight...with a small disclaimer that people have different body types and so it may not be completely accurate...uh, YEAH! Anyway, he spends tons of time running or racking up whatever points he can in an effort to keep track of his calories. I knew we had a problem though when after spending quite a bit of time on the Wii and while heading over to family's home for Sunday dinner he tells me that he is NOT going to eat anything because he doesn't want to undo all of his hard work. YIKES! This is NOT what I wanted. True to form, I decide to look for a silver lining and turn this into a teaching moment. I made him aware that our bodies need fuel to build our muscles and make us strong. Starving ourselves is never the answer. What we need to do is to not only learn the proper foods to put into our bodies, but to also know the right portions. He was shocked just at the amount of calories that were in things and how little food you actually got to eat in some stuff. The good news is he is looking to make a difference before it turns into a real problem. Let's keep our fingers crossed.
Please know, that I personally struggle completely with body image issues and also suck at all of these things that I have been discussing. I love food...and not just the "good-for-you" food. As we were trying to decide what to eat the other evening, something about the day had come up in regards to weight again. He may have commented upon his baby brother's weight (Ben's 21 mo old, Jake) who is on the higher end of those infamous charts. I am quick to correct my boys when they make comments of these types because I really don't want to perpetuate such behavior; but Dylan seemed to think it was ok to say since he was fat because the Wii even said so....awesome.
I know that I am not the only one that is/has dealt with this (clearly, the staggering statistics can attest to that), but I will now say what I told my 7 yr old son:
There is not one body type that is perfect. Also, we are made differently because there are different things for us to do that others can't. Did you know that the average size of a race horse jokey is about 5'5 and weighs about 110 lbs?
How about a sumo wrestler? They are about 5'11 and weigh 250+lbs? Think of all the professional athletes or astronauts or things in the world that require people to BE different sizes. We couldn't possibly do all of these things if we were ALL the SAME. Most importantly, we were created by a Divine Heavenly Father who does not make mistakes. We are made exactly the way we are suppose to be.
I'm not sure how much of that stuck in his head, but I do know that he loves vegetables and has been trying to make good choices...hahaha, he even commented that maybe he should give salads another try. I guess we will see...
I love you, Dylan. EXACTLY the way you are:)
